It wasn’t too long ago that the hardest part of my workday was getting to work on time. But now, with a 15-month-old baby at home, my workday is rife with emotional complications. As much as I enjoy my job, and the satisfactory feeling of knowing that I’m contributing to my daughter’s financial security, every morning confronts me with the same heartbreaking challenge. I have to leave my baby with someone else!
Saying goodbye to that sweet face is the hardest part of of my day. I see that look of betrayal in here eyes as I walk back towards the car, chanting “I love you” over and over again. She looks up at me as if to say, “Why don’t you want to be with me?” And then my heart breaks into a million tiny pieces.
On the drive to work I try not to cry. I know that logically she is in the company of someone that I trust and is having fun. She will have a great day, even though I am not there. But the logical part of my brain fails to communicate with the emotional part. During the workday I count the minutes until I can see that precious face again. I never miss an opportunity to show off pictures of her to customers. “She’s so beautiful,” they say. Obviously!
And then quitting time arrives, and I GET TO SEE MY BABY! That look she gives me when I pick her up is the best part of my day. She sees me comes and smiles widely. “Mama!!!” She shouts and reaches out her arms so I can pick her up, which I do, joyfully. Then I give her a million kisses as I fervently dismiss the inevitability of tomorrow, when my heart will break all over again.